raven_lily's Xanga

:official:

Sun, 17 May 2009 08:15:00 GMT

this is it...
seventeenthmaytwothousandnine and approximately threethirtyfivepm
you asked n i said okay [lol~]
and here we are... :)
im overjoyed.

thank you, God.
You who knows all things seen and unseen and who holds all things in Your hands...
You who created me and him...
thank you for bringing us here, this far, so far...
thank you for this day... thank you for here and now... thank you for more to come...
thank you for everything that was and is and is to come
be the center, be the focus, be the reason and purpose and the most important
be above all things and all else
in everything, let Your will and Yours alone be done.
this is us... this is our relationship...
make it Yours
and let it be pleasing to You and in Your sight
and cause us to be a good testimony.
we live to worship You...
we were made to worship You...

:wrote:

Thu, 16 Apr 2009 07:12:00 GMT

i gotta admit... i was feeling a wee bit down... oh okay... maybe a fair bit... so i wrote.

but...
you over there... :)

thanks for cheering me up
thanks for knowing just what to say
thanks for making me feel better
thanks for making my day
thanks for making me laugh

lol~

:notes:

Tue, 14 Apr 2009 10:45:16 GMT

a letter for Him... : )

:ninth:

Sat, 11 Apr 2009 11:01:00 GMT




we are bruised and broken masterpieces
but we did not paint ourselves
-switchfoot, the economy of mercy, learning to breathe

let's learn to listen to others
let's learn to be attentive to the burdens of others
let's learn to be sensitive to the pain n hurts of others
after all, we're family.
have we focused too much on the outside n reaching out
that we have neglected the needs of our own?
let us love n support n help one another
let us ask n care n pray for one another
let us also remember to look inwards as we continue to look outwards
sharing is important
after all, we are family.

this shall serve as a reminder to myself.

:tenth:

Sat, 11 Apr 2009 10:01:10 GMT

an image
a heart that is fragile
buried under many layers of the world
wrapped in stone, harden, calcified

a cry
strip away the layers ive built around this heart of mine
chisel away at the stone that is ever so hard
n Lord, beneath is
a heart that longs for You,
a heart that loves You,
a heart that runs after You,
a heart that wants to serve You,
a heart that BEATS for You

-intermission-

a prayer
You said You are able to keep me from falling
so keep me from falling, God
You are my everything
nothing and no one can take Your place
nothing and no one is more important than You
nothing and no one can compare to You
keep me from falling.
i need to hear Your voice
i need to know Your thoughts, Your will, Your way.
i need You.

a question
'if I asked you to give him up, would you?'

a struggle
give him up? what? why?
but...but... didnt You tell me he's the one?
n i waited... im still waiting...
why would You want me to give him up?

a reminder
'take a look at abraham and his son, isaac.
the promised son he waited so long for.
at the very moment I asked,
abraham was willing to give him up for Me.
are you willing to give him up for Me?'

some doubts
can i be like abraham?
can i give him up?
but at the end, You provided the sacrifice
abraham didnt have to give isaac up after all
You were just testing him
You are just testing me, yes?
i wouldnt really have to give him up, would i?
You will come through, yes?

a silent moment

a kind of desperation
if i gave him up, You wouldnt really take him away, would You?
it was You who first gave... why...?
dont be silent...
please... speak...
i need to hear Your voice

another reminder
'nothing else and no one else... remember?
check yourself.
has he become so dear to you
that even if I demanded,
you wouldnt give him up?'

a surrender
You are right.
nothing else n no one else.
if You asked it of me, i will give him up.
nothing else n no one else is more precious to me than You are
let nothing else and no one else ever take Your place
i will have no other gods before You
all that i am n all that i have
i lay them down at Your feet
take all of me
i surrender to You
i will die to myself
You must increase, i must decrease
make me the person You want me to be
remind me all the time, God
keep me from falling, Lord
i love You
n i want You
n i need You

a reassurance
'I love you.
I love the way you worship Me.'

a realization
thats all that matters.

another reassurance
'the time will come when it's right.'

a conclusion
thank You.
You are indescribable.
im in awe of You.
:)

---------------

a call
embrace the cross

a song sung
so i'll cherish the old rugged cross
till my trophies at last i lay down
i will cling to the old rugged cross
and exchange it someday for a crown

the call
embrace the cross

another song sung
o the wonderful cross
o the wonderful cross
bids me come and die
and find that i
may truly live
o the wonderful cross
o the wonderful cross
all who gather here
by grace draw near
and bless Your name

the confession
i will lay down
all my treasures,
all that i hold dear,
all that i deem precious
at Your feet
i will die to myself
i will embrace the cross

an observation
good friday was good

in Christ alone i place my trust
and find my glory in the power of the cross
in every victory
let it be said of me
my source of strength
my source of hope
is Christ alone

omg. i got cool rods! thank youuu... so happie... heee~

:smiles:

Tue, 17 Mar 2009 10:42:37 GMT

there's no other hand that i would rather hold
-love is waiting, brooke fraser

this song has been repeating itself over n over again in my head the past week
You are the Love of my life
You are the Hope that i cling to
You mean more than this world to me
i wouldnt trade You for silver or gold
i wouldnt trade You for riches untold
You are, You are my everything

here we go again!
where have we left off the last time?
what has happened since then?

i had this assignment to build a webpage. and i was thinking what better subject to choose than Switchfoot... clickhere!

also... hav been baby sitting jie's adorable little hamsters... they're sooo cute!

MMK was a blast! God's name be glorified... speaking from the treasurer's point of view... we had no idea as to where the finances were gonna come from but He provided in the end. we had more than enough! awesome, yes? many thanks to all those who gave out of your generous hearts, Tuhan berkati!

FSCC is open! we had our first service last sunday... once again, where would we be without God? it is all by His grace n provision n faithfulness that we stood in that sanctuary worshipping with all our hearts, singing about His magnificence and how no one ever will compare to Him.

choir night was a success as well. really appreciate all those who helped out in the committee. also really appreciate all those who came. twas a bitter sweet evening. photo's will come soon. heh.

and... oh! i finally found a place to do LI. thank God! it'll be in pj. and it'll be a good new experience.

thank You.
looking back on all that has been said and done.
i can say without a doubt
You knew all along.
You knew.
everything that was, everything that is and everything that is to come.
i stand in awe of Your awesomeness.
im humbled by Your greatness and goodness.
im amazed by You.
thank You.

so here we are
and im glad u know
im glad u guessed
im glad u asked
let's wait
until we're both ready
until the time is right
until God gives the green light
i'll be still and look to Him and patiently wait for the right season
im thankful for the fact that we're both not in a hurry
let's not rush this, let's do this right, let's walk this way well
it has been almost three weeks since this one little step forward.
everyday i thank God
for His crazy sense of humour
and for the way He works His will
and for you.
everytime my phone buzzes, im hoping it's u
everytime i catch myself thinking about u, i start smiling to myself
everytime im about to do something not-so-clever, i'll stop and wonder if u'd nag me about it
i love the way u care n the way u nag me n how u always say it's good advice
i love the way we have so many many things in common with each other
(like seaweed and durian and veggie)
i love the way we start looking for things we dont have in common with each other
(like snickers and mars)
i love the way u can always make me laugh
i love all those inside jokes that mean nothing to others
i love how u'd know just what to say to make me feel better
i love how we can talk about everything n anything under the sun
i could sit here n talk to u all day
i wanna be there by your side, to support u in all that u do, to always be there for u
i wanna grow old with you

thank You...
for listening and for speaking and for answering
no one else and nothing else could ever take Your place
i was made to worship You

you and i were made to worship
you and i are called to love
you and i are forgiven and free
when you and i embrace surrender
when you and i choose to believe
you and i will see who we were meant to be

u'll play the guitar and i'll play the drums...
we were made to worship Him. :)

:patience:

Thu, 22 Jan 2009 20:04:48 GMT

its four something in the morn. n i woke up bcoz of gastrointestinal discomforts. n i just came back from a visitation to the bilik air. n i think cirit is no fun.

a conversation...
...with God?

"dad? one question..."
"yes?"
"why this is happening now... why are You telling me all this?"
"so that you will know who the right one is, to say yes to and the rest, to say no to"
"oh. well that makes sense."
-pause-
"so... this guy... urm... You sure?"
"sure."

another confirmation...? whatever the future holds, i surrendered EVERYTHING to God. it's in His hands. He knows best. i've made my peace with this issue. He feeds the ravens of the air and clothes the lilies in the field, He knows me and my struggles. i've stopped thinking too much. the night has passed, a new dawn approaches and He restores. i will wait for His perfect timing. pray with me ya...

in the meantime... lots to do n lots to look forward to!
-chinese new year
i miss my family. lol~ absence do make the heart fonder... heh. will be travelling back on sunday with uncle n auntie n two cousins. will be stuffing myself with awesome good food. will be seeing yangyang for his first birthday. cant wait.

-mmk
whooo~ malam muzikal krismas 2009. this will be great! by God's grace. lol~ very much involved in this one. in the worship team as a backup vocalist. and... who's idea was it to make me the treasurer... haha. so yes. we need money to make this possible. we know God will provide. we also know that money dont just drop from the sky. feel like sponsoring? ask me! a portion from the fund we collect will go to a charitable organization by the name of pkik - persatuan kanak-kanak istimewa kajang. we were there visiting some days ago. it's a cause worth giving to.

-fscc
greater things are still to be done in this city. God, help us to lift Your name up high so that You can draw all uni students unto You. pray pray pray. pray for pastor daniel, his family, his team of leaders, for the worship team, for everyone moving to fscc... pray for His will to be done His way... im excited! this marks a new beginning. a start of something awesome. let His glory fill the sanctuary.

-choir night
hmmm. so im the pengarah this year. hopefully it will turn out good la. our first choice of place didnt quite work out the way we expected it to. moving on to our second choice. still so much planning to do!

-latihan industri
coming up after this sem. still havnt found a place to do li. for some reason, there was an urgency, that i should find a place nearby so that i can cont to serve in fscc. i believe God will open the right doors n close the wrong ones. pray along with me la... shall be calling some numbers n keeping my eyes opened. if u know of anywhere within bangi, kajang, serdang area let me know. specifically places that deal with pathology n bio-lab related stuff.

yeaps. hands are full at the moment.
Tuhanlah kekuatan dan mazmurku.

i went kite flying with carol, charis, hocmun, jian, david n mingyik. it was fun! but then it started to rain so we ended up in mcd instead. lol~ but it was fun! hav nvr flown a kite bfore. how sad kan... lol~ it has always been dad who flies the kites for me when i was very young.
going bowling tmr... i mean today... yay~ wanna come along? it'll be fun too.
also, have plans for cycling sometimes next next week... cant wait. have not cycled since we sold my bike to my cousin years ago. lol~
and... im off. prayer meeting at 7am... pray pray pray... and another post shall follow as soon as i hav time to sit down n type.

i hope you know... this is for you =D

love is waiting – brooke fraser

in the autumn on the ground
between the traffic and the ordinary sounds
i am thinking signs and seasons
while a north wind blows through

 i watch as lovers pass me by
walking stories, whos and hows and whys
musing lazily on love
pondering you

 i'll give it time, give it space 
and be still for a spell
when it's time to walk that way
we wanna walk it well

 i'll be waitin' for you baby
i’ll be holdin' back the darkest night
love is waitin' 'till we're ready
'till it's right
love is waiting

 it's my caution not the cold
there's no other hand that i would rather hold
the climate changes
i'm singing for strangers about you

 don't keep time, slow the pace
honey hold on if you can
the bets are getting surer
now that you're my man

 i'll be waitin' for you baby
i'll be holdin' back the darkest night
love is waitin' 'till we're ready
'till it's right

 i could write a million songs about the way you say my name
i could live a lifetime with you and then do it all again
and like i can't force the sun to rise or hasten summer's start
neither should i rush my way into your heart

 i'll be waitin' for you baby
i'll be holdin' back the darkest night
love is waitin' 'till we're ready
'till it's right
love is waiting

:sleepless:

Tue, 20 Jan 2009 18:31:34 GMT

i cant sleep. so i might as well blog. in fact, it's i cant sleep, i cant eat, i cant even think straight anymore.
*slaps self* GET A GRIP, GIRL!

is this what it's supposed to feel like when u fall hopeless in love with someone?
its like nothing ive ever felt before.
i smile to myself whenever the thought of him hits me,
i feel adrenaline coursing through my veins and my heart beating so fast it could explode,
im nervous n scared
coz he doesnt know a thing about this n he might be after some other girl
n i might have gotten this wrong n i might end up horribly disappointed,
im worried about myself coz im struggling so so so hard to control my feelings
but it's freaking not working at all [what is wrong with me???],
if he'd ask me... i'd say yes.

i asked God if he's the one... at this point, im pretty sure it is. i made a deal with God that if he is the one im going to grow old with, God will nudge him n prompt him n cause him to ask me [coz im definately NOT about to tell him]... i asked God if it will come to pass n when will it happen... He said to wait. i told God to take away this overwhelming feelings in the meantime so i can focus on Him instead... they are still here n its worse than ever. i need help. please pray for me.

edit from a few days later:
this post was originally made private so that ppl will not misunderstand n start making assumptions n jump into conclusions. but i decided to change it to public so that i can remind myself of what i went through n prolly u might be going thru the same thing. know that God is always in control and He knows n He's there for u. when u seek Him, you WILL find Him. often we dont find Him coz we dont seek with all our heart. when u desire to submit your ways to Him, He will sustain u n provide for u. find rest n comfort n peace in Him.

:dreaming:

Sun, 18 Jan 2009 06:31:06 GMT

do you believe in dreams???

at the very thought of you, my heart starts beating twice as fast. that's not good. is it?

hello there! we meet again!

and once again, sorry for being mia. but im back. n here's a not-so-short update…
in very chronological order. lol~

in celebration for occasion of the end of finals last sem... we went to putrajaya. thank God i remembered to bring my cam this time around...

four guys and a girl. but victory belongs to the one with the car keys. hah!

----------

zi yang has grown... he will be turning one this chinese new year. i love him so much!!! i love how he turns n grins at me whenever i go visit... how he scoots over really fast when i offered to carry him around... how he imitates the way i shake my head... gah! i miss him. cant wait to get back n hug him.

----------

moa 29-2 dec 2009

i will remember this one. i loved every moment we were there. i love the kids. i miss them a lot. i will go back there again someday.

this came from some short notes i wrote when we were there.

30^th

there's a whole bunch of us going this time so we were split into two groups. one group went to kg sg bil and our group to kg serigala. nothing much last night… we got here late, cooked some dinner, ate some dinner, did some planning and then some sleep. the kids remembered us, the ones who came before. touching moment. shouts from among them as we unloaded our stuff from the van, ‘eh, kakak rachel!’ :)

oh yes, we forgot onions and garlic – had to go ‘borrow’ from ibu mary. so we woke up early today… devotion is taken from matthew 28v16-20

1^st

thank you, God for this morning. thank you God for cats [& cat poo in the sink]. thank you God for a nice cold morning and sleeping bags and sweaters and mattresses. thank you for yesterday, for the kids, for little suhaila, thank you for the opportunity to hold her tiny hands and walk with her and smile back at her when she looks up and smiles at me. thank you for shy little isaac and how he drank the milo i gave him thru the windows... thank you for luncheon meat, thank you for soup, thank you we are able to cook together and work together, thank you for hygiene issues. thank you for guitars. thank you for sampatness. thank you for songs to sing. thank you for candles to light. thank you for cameras and 2.0 megapixels camphones. thank you for remy, isaac, robin and the boys. thank you for priskila, marina and sarah. thank you for priskila’s beautifully shy smiles. thank you for sunday school [sekolah minggu]. thank you for the team we have, for kelly, wan sian, grace, jyan, danny, chingz, david, jian, julian, charis. thank you for egg sandwiches with no mayo and grape juice and sugar water.

2^nd

will go back today. went visiting yesterday… talked and shared and sang songs… played with the kids and taught them maths and English. they learn fast. chingz shared on how Jesus calms the storms in our lives in bible study. amazing testimonies were heard from the villagers – pak abu and ibu mary and their kids. electricity went out a couple of times. sometimes due to jyan’s hairdryer. sometimes due to unknown reasons.

-break-

packed and left… i saw tears in haliza’s eyes when i gave her a hug and a kiss. charis and i went to say goodbye to ibu nilam. suhaila excitedly shouted and waved goodbye. so cute. didn’t get to say goodbye to all the kids though. jian later told me they were asking for us. oh shucks. wished i could stay longer. feels too short a time spent there, i was only getting started and warmed up… will miss them and want to go back again. heard news that some are falling sick in the other group. all is well in our camp except jyan n julian who’re better already.

thank you for dogs that eat burnt rice and cats that eat ikan bilis. thank you for the chickens running around – breakfast, lunch and dinner. thank you for UFOs –lots and lots of them- unidentified flying objects. thank you for ken lee and certain gay people and voice issues *coughahemcough*. thank you for the pretty flowers and for the beautiful kids and them being so sweet – some of them were wearing the mk badges we gave them the last time we came!. thank you for protection from freaky ppl at bus stops. thank you for long bus rides and long talks with charis. she’s a thinker who always provokes me to think as well. thank you for chap fun songs and handphone fish games and hilarious cooking show vids. thank you for paper and color pencils and story books. thank you for these org asli ppl. thank you for loving them and saving them and for having an awesome plan for each n every one of their precious lives.

the team.

the kids. :)

jyan...

suhaila... :)

lol~

visitation

omg!!! sooo cute!!!

moa pictures beyond this point are courtesy of charis

charis and alex.

lesson time!

remy

simon

isaac

haliza

roslin and the chubbiest baby ive ever seen!

----------

camp more 2008 - went as a facilitator and was blessed.

pastor dalbir.

ice breaking!

pool view.

drum worskshop.

----------

christmas... :)

----------

bye bye for bryan... sobs~ we know u'll miss your brats!

didnt we say no pets allowed???

----------

choir day trip... templer's park waterfalls and kampung kuantan fireflies

charis and hoc mun

random ppl hanging out on the rocks

random guy jumping off the rocks

poor steven...

sun set and moon rise

the fireflies were amazing! God is sooo creative! [sorry, He's awesome] they were like flickering christmas lights on the trees along the river bank... so pretty n so magical... unfortunately it was very dark n all photos and videos taken could not capture the magic...

----------

last year has been an amazing one. walking with God is nothing short of a crazy, fun-filled, faith-stretching adventure. have learnt much and much more to learn… and once again, i am reminded that greater things are yet to come. thank You, for last year… and may this year see the fulfillment of Your promises and Your plans and Your will. be the center, be the source, be the reason and the purpose and the focus. be my guide, Lord. lead me and i will follow.

You’re the God of this city

You’re the King of these people

You’re the Lord of this nation

You are

You’re the light in this darkness

You’re the hope to the hopeless

You’re the peace to the restless

You are

there is no one like our God

greater things are yet to come

greater things are still to be done in this city

greater things are yet to come

greater things are still to be done here

two and a half years ago… i wrote this blog post.

Friday, June 02, 2006

:aspirations:

1 - someday i should like to write a good, influential book... then proceed to write some more... not just any ordinary-once-read-then-forgotten kinda book mind u... it has to be something which will make a difference...

2 - compile n publish an anthology of selected poems ive written...

3 - hav my own newspaper column...

4 - take care of my parents & uncle in their old age...

5 - sponsor a poor, malnourished kid in some god-forsaken land

6 - discover an important substance that would save lives... [i would go with the elixir of life - stay young forever but it is against nature n i figured He wouldnt approve of it...]

7 - walk on the moon [as far-fetched as this may be... im still holding on to it as impossible as it may seem]

8 - go for holidays in ireland, hawaii n new zealand...

9 - visit my pen pals in the netherlands n tour europe!

10 - see switchfoot in action n meet them in person!!!~

11 - go to a coldplay concert... mayb...

12 - design n build my own home...

13 - continue bashing up drums for Him! [not to mention breaking drumsticks... haha!]

14 - help Him save lost souls

15 - i wanna make a difference...

#10 has been accomplished!!! *insert big grin here*

another reason why 2008 was special. lol~ a reminder that nothing is impossible in God’s calculations. Numbers 13, 14 and 15 are in progress… by His grace.

thank God for the moments when i am weakest coz that’s when im reminded to depend on Him alone for He is strong

when i am weak You lift me up

i find my strength in You

when i am lost, i’m found by You

You’ll never let me go

You are my God and i worship You

bow down before Your throne

You are my peace, my strength and my comfort

and i’m so in love with You

and now, here's a line from meaningful song sung beautifully by two incredible vocalists.

am i in love with the dreamer or am i just in love with the dream? - song by jon foreman and molly jenson

:bicycles:

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 17:45:05 GMT

clickity click click
: here : here : here :
over HERE & also HERE
and if you happen to have spare time on your hands,
THIS is the best thing since bottled water

F.A.M.I.L.Y
see how happy we are
-photo courtesy of hocmun-

the day Jonathan turned 21...

ha! twenty one! finally!

i met salleh! after sooo long... the first thing i did when i saw him was... laugh! im so sorry... but his new look rocks. lol~

jessy doing her thing on the dance floor. (i like this pix a lot)

adorable yes? he posed for me!

girl friends.

bugs bugs bugs
okay, only one.
but a gigantic one.

davin's birthday cake watermelon! he doesnt look too happy... lol~

C H I L L I S

a little unbalanced but its the only one with everyone in it

hungry ppl makes silly faces

ATTACK!!!

caroline lee wei jun

jacinta jeyanti

teh swe jyan

koay su jian

benjamin chan chee lupp

me.

uh-oh!

its a wild guess, but im thinking they may have eaten way too much good food in one sitting for their own good...

roasted~!!!

well, hope u enjoyed that... just a little glimpse of what ive been up to...
exam fever is here,
free wireless ends today,
(i figured i might as well make use of it one last time)
AND... im really sleeepy so signing off for now.

thank You for being faithful even when im not.
thank You for Your unfailing love.
thank You for strength and hope like no other.
thank You for reaching to me and calling me.
thank You that greater things are yet to come.
thank You for good friends.
thank You for exam papers.